Wednesday, 1 December 2010

day one: one word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
my professors used to say something like "strive for conciseness, not wordiness". but one word? tough one. 2010 is beyond words. but okay, this is the beginning of the challenge anyway and i am not going to lose it at the first day. so here goes, encapsulating the year in a single word: timing.

the more i think about it, the more i realise that things happening in 2010 are of their own perfect moments. two of my biggest dreams came true. i went to europe. i study abroad for an exchange. and somebody else - not me, not my mother - paid most of the expenses.

beforehand, i tried and tried and tried. then all the hassle and obstacles put me away from the dream, at the very moment when i have never been closer to it. i sulked. i mourned. i felt sorry for myself. i was engulfed in jealousy for seeing people getting things i have always dreamed of. i kept on questioning why. i wonder if it is about me, if what i want to is something i actually do not deserve. i could not help comparing myself to others.

but then they happened anyway. in their own way, they were materialised. and that time i was enlightened: it is not about me being less capable or potential. it is just about time. what i deserve, and what deserves me, will come by eventually.

i did not sit still and wait, though. as i wrote earlier, i tried. i believe that there is no harm in trying. i do not want anything to stop me from trying to get what i want. as long as i can still work on it, i will. it is better to tried something and not getting it, rather than not getting something because you did not even try it. the latter involves guilt and/or disappointment. the former does not.

so that's what i did. i tried. i simply tried. trial and error may happen every now and then. but hey, at least i have enough bravery to do so. to try, and face the possibility of the error(s). then let the universe decide the perfect timing to grant whatever i plead for.

living in bangkok for almost half a year is a time full of perfect timing. to learn housekeeping skills, to live with and to understand people who speaks and thinks in a completely different way, to manage the limited scholarship budget, to live completely on my own faraway from home - to name a few. but somehow it also feels like a perfect timing when God finally trust you for something so precious you have to spend a lot of time and effort before finally gets it. it feels lovely.

now let us take a leap for a year ahead. 2011 shall means continue living in reality, real responsibility, real steps to take to mark my undergraduate academic life to an end. in a single word: graduation.

0 feedbacks:

Post a Comment